


The Narrator's a Shit

by Sirvengence



Series: Writing Prompt Challenge [16]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Cringe, F/F, F/M, Lots of sarcasm, M/M, Old Writing, Spare yourselves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 16:02:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8759626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sirvengence/pseuds/Sirvengence
Summary: It's the zombie apocalypse and Dirk is alone. Everyone else is dead. The narrator seems to be bored and has nothing else to do. But the phone rings.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt:
> 
> Compose a story in which the main character wakes up to find that she or he is the last person on Earth. 
> 
> Then the phone rings...

Dirk woke up for starters. 

Where was he?

Why the end of the world, of course!

Need more of a hint? 

The Zombie Apocalypse.

Duh!

 

All his friends are dead, heroic or just.

Who cares?

 

He's all alone now.

The shelter he wanted so badly is here now, but at what cost?

Well, let's see.... Um.... 32... no... 

33 people.

And his boyfriend, Jake English

 

Dead? Why yes, of course.

 

Dirk likes to think he died in a heroic way, but you know...

If you can call crying Dirk's name in a corner of an alleyway on their final search for supplies, before being killed by one of your old teammates, "heroic", then I can be cooler than a Strider.

 

Anyways, Dirk obviously loved Jake lots and some stuff...

He thought about joining him in death, too.

I mean, the zombies are still at it, his friends are all dead, and a sack of flour and four eggs can only last you so long. 

Including if the one who can bake is dead. 

Haha.

 

Actually, Dirk has a lot of food. 

There used to be four of them, but... 

You know. 

Zombies. 

 

And then the phone rings. 

Loudly. 

Dirk can hear the moans from outside. 

 

Why not just let them in?

Well?

What are you waiting for, Dirk?

 

He picks up the phone.

UGHHH... THIS IS SO UNINTERESTING.

 

A slow rasp came from the other side.

Dirk slowed his breathing. 

He didn't dare talk. 

 

Setting the phone down on the table, he quietly walked away from it. 

The rasp became louder. 

The zombies had come. 

It doesn't matter. They couldn't get in anyways.

 

Dirk laid on the ground and started sleeping.

Sleeping away things don't help, Dirk!

Oh wait, no... He's actually sleeping out of exhaustion.

 

Didn't you just wake up?

Striders.

 

Instead of having some pathetic dream about Jake, he dreamed about his first days in this whole mess. 

Both Dave and Dirk were preparing to-

blah

Blah

BLAH

 

I can think of something more interesting. 

Let's name all the people who died, first to last:

 

Week 1:

Clumsy, Eridan, Sollux, Always Triggered, Triggered's Boyfriend, and Calliope

 

Week 5:

Porrim (Total Hottie), Rufio's Boyfriend (Does he even have a name?), Rose (I bet my money; I lost.), Kanaya (I also lost this bet too), and Meenah

 

Week 7:

Aranea, Aradia, The Other Fish Girl, Nervous Sweaty Guy, The Shipper Furry Girl, The Other Shipper Furry Girl, The Space Furry Girl 

 

Week 11:

Creepy Clown Dude (Who is he anyways?), Rufio, Damara

 

Week 12:

"Halmet", "Tulip", Only One Who Can Actually Cook, John, Short McShout

 

Week 13: 

The Other Creepy Clown (HE MURDERED THEM ALLL.), Eight Eyes, Terezi, Drunk One, Insufferable Prick

 

Week 14:

Jake

 

All in that order. 

 

It's still the fourteenth week. I gotta hand it to them though, pretty impressive. The real reasons they all died in the end, though, was because the clowns were offing them all one by one. 

I honestly think it went down hill when Kanaya's chainsaw died on her while protecting both Rose and herself when they were trying to deliver the formula for a cure for zombification. Oh, that was wonderfully gory. Hehe. Humanity's last hope, you could say. The papers were burned "mysteriously".

 

 

Dirk woke to a start.

The phone's rasping had changed to some static sound. He doesn't bother to hang up though.

 

"Dirk?" Jake's voice said, slightly panicky. 

 

"Dirk, are you here?" 

His head hurt. He couldn't think straight. (Haha...  ~~straight~~ gay pun.)

 

"Jake?" He finally answered into the phone.

"Thank goodness, thought you died on me!" 

"Where are you?"

"On the roof of the hideout, where are you?"

"Inside, what are you doing on the roof?"

"Hang on, chap, I'll be in there in just a moment."

 

Dirk waited.

And waited.

And waited.

 

Jake definitely wasn't coming, trust me. Or not. 

 

Dirk woke up to a start.

Still rasps in the phone.

Still lonely.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oohh, dear reader, you must think it's overrrr? 

 

 

Dirk woke up to a start. 

The sun shone through the curtains of the bedroom he shared with his beloved Jake. Today was his Strider-Lalonde reunion at the dog park, and his movie night with Jake tomorrow.

Absolutely nothing could go badly, now. Except it did.

 

Except it did.

 

Still rasps in the phone.

Still lonely.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sorry about the title.  
> I wrote the story purposely for this one title.


End file.
